Mario Games Will Never Happen, But Should Be

Mario Games Will Never Happen, But Should Be ...

So, I was recently given a Nintendo Switch, the first Nintendo console since the Gamecube, almost 15 years ago. However, I''ve never been a major Nintendo stan throughout my life. I''m a Playstation player, in essence.

I''ve gained a lot of knowledge with Mario Party Superstars, Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, and Luigi''s Mansion, though, I''m not sure how Nintendo''s signature IP is very flexible. So, with Mario titles in virtually every genre of gaming, I decided to brainstorm some game ideas of my own.

5 Dr. Mario: Therapy Edition

Dr. Mario, Mario''s alter ego, has practiced for over thirty years, eliminating snarky viruses with his colorful medicine capsules. Moreover, more characters from the Mario-verse have earned their doctorates from whatever colleges has awarded for jumping on turtles and eating mushrooms. For example, Dr. Luigi, the latest iteration, Dr. Mario World, has a variety of doctors from the Mario-verse.

I''m pleased that the Mario crew is returning to the United States. I''d argue that they have some patience to do for all the friendships Mario Party has broken up over the years. Still, I feel like these Doctors Without Bowsers are missing an essential element of health: mental health. It''s time for Dr. Mario to get his PsyD and check in on his patients.

I imagine a Dr. Mario Therapy game would explore the puzzle roots of the game and into the visual novel genre. This is an excellent opportunity to get the in-depth details about our favorite characters'' lives. For example, why is Princess Daisy secretly in love with Princess Peach? What''s the deal with Bowser''s anger issues? Is Dr. Mario listening to all these stories without disrupting patient-doctor confidentiality? It''s time to examine that.

4 Mario eSports

Mario Tennis, Mario Golf, and Mario Strikers (Soccer/Football) are some of the Mario & Sonic Olympic Games. However, we have yet to see if our favorite Italian plumber has the capability to "git Gud." I propose a fresh addition to the Mario sports sub-genre:Mario eSports.

Imagine a world of video game cartoons playing video games competitively. Perhaps they''re even playing Smash! Wouldn''t that be wild?

Perhaps Nintendo will design a handful of Mario minigames inspired by DOTA, Rocket League, or Starcraft. At that point, why not not make these games standalone titles? Hmmmmmm, that''s a real worry.

Perhaps a Mario eSports title would not have a "gaming," rather than a team management simulation. This eliminates the need for game development without sacrificing the shady convention centers and derogatory trash talk.

There is always the possibility that Mario eSports become an eSport of its own. At that point, however, I believe the question is no longer if this game may be made but should.

Fight The Patriarchy: 3 Super Princess Peach And Princess Daisy

Did you know that Princess Peach has led two video games? The first was Princess Toadstool''s Castle Run in 1990. Fifteen years later, Super Princess Peach was marketed in Japan, with a worldwide launch in 2006. This small pair of options is insulting to me.

There''s a valid argument for a new Peach-led game, which is often used on the Nintendo DS. I''m also unsure whether or not the next Princess Peach game will politely request permission before playing the parasol on the Switch. Oh no, I want Princess Peach and her sister in arms, Daisy, to kick the door down with no apologies! It''s time for justice in the Mushroom Kingdom!

Yeah, folks. I''m talking about a single star payment for equal work, consequences for Bowser repeatedly kidnapping and harassing princesses, and upgrading Daisy from an echo character in Smash Bros!

De asemenea, I believe this title would be a great opportunity for Nintendo to introduce additional characters of color. (And no, Bowser and Yoshi do not count.)

2 Super Mario Plumbing Simulator

Is there any chance that anyone in his thirty-plus years of existence had been shoved a toilet? Seriously. I want you to think about this for a second. Mario has seen play professional sports, work as a doctor, and play competitive games. Yet, when it comes to his actual job, his record is shit. I think it''s time that Nintendo took a ruthless approach and showed us what Mario''s life was before he was saving princesses and battling bowsers.

Simulator games have grown to a new level since Sim City. For example, there are cooking simulators, lawn mowing simulators, flight simulators, and even bus driving simulators. It''s about time that Nintendo has claimed its share in the market.

Plumbing and gyroscope controls make a lot of sense together. For example, you may jerk a joycon up and down to perform a plumbing motion. Or, you may turn a joycon to emulate tools such as wrenches and screwdrivers. Basically, any game from 1-2 Switch could be transformed into a plumbing mechanic.

Sure, the subject matter is potentially less than family-friendly. However, Mario is grateful for outbursts! Just replace the poop with smiling defecation people or something. Indeed, Wapooigi is well within the realm of possibility.

1 Mario Party: But Fair

Has this ever happened to you? You''re playing a Mario Party with your friends. After outranking everyone in the minigames and harvesting the most stars, the game is almost assured by the last turn. Despite your hard work and master skills, your best bud Bob clinches the game.

You call BS. Bob eggs you on. The situation gets heated. In less time than it takes to bounce on a Koopa Troopa, you say something that cannot be taken back. Bob says he never wants you back, though, you agree positively. Even though, you immediately apologize.

Then you see your children playing Mario Party 2033 on the Nintendo SuperSwitcharooMiiToo and think, "Man. That was Bob and I''m glad." Then you notice the fateful night when everything went wrong. You take a breath and longingly stare at your phone. Once again, your loving and compassionate wife, Amelia, puts her hand on your shoulder and says, "Call him."

On your iPhone 2XL, your trembling finger hovers over Bob''s contact number. However, your fingertip may not contact the screen. "It''s been too long," you assume. "Why would he want to hear from me now?" This pattern has rescheduled over five console generations.

The kids have settled out and started their own families. After having a second honeymoon to the New Age Yoga Retreat, you decided to live in the moment without worrying. You''ve managed to push Bob out of your head.

Your phone rings. It''s an unidentified number, so you silent it. Afterward, you hear a ping. Apparently, the person who called left a voice mail.

"Hey, old friend. Bet you won''t believe who this is," the all-time familiar voice asserts between swollen coughs.

"Ummm. God, this is difficult. Just- please don''t delete this. It''s important. I''m dying, Joe. End-stage pancreatic cancer... Can you believe it? I''m slow as dirt in Woody Woods, but my tumors grow faster than a Bullet Bill."

A single tear downs your face. You chuckle at Bob''s bad joke. He always knew how to get rid of it in a tense situation.

"Anyway. My therapist advised me I should let go of any grudges, tie up loose ends, and all that crap. And I wanted to say I''m sorry for being such a garbage person that night. No matter who said what, I don''t care anymore. You''ll always be my best friend, man...Oh, and I''ll be fine! ''Oh, my dear friend!"

You''re free to call back the number on your own. It can''t come out like this. She''s a sweet lady. She says she''s with Bob in a hospice center a few states away. He''s only a few days left in him. You get the address to the center and book a red-eye flight ASAP.

You may quickly get your luggage and book an Uber before going to the Hospice Center. At a local toys store, you pick up a plushie star to give to Bob, the most famous star in your life.

With a star in your hand and hope in your heart, you go to the Hospice Center where you ask for Bob Bentley. A grim appearance falls upon the receptionist''s face. He makes a call to Bob''s room. A few minutes later, Betty greets you with tears in her eyes.

"I''m so sorry, Joe," she says, "he just couldn''t hold on until now."

You run to this stranger and embrace her like friends. Then, the two of you sob in each other''s arms.

Betty sees the lonely star in your hand when she falls.

"Oh my goodness, Is that what I believe it is?"

You do not want to be disappointed.

Betty smiles, "Oh, Bob would''ve loved this! Would you like him to see him?"

On that breezy autumn pre-school day, you revert to Bob''s shy 5-year-old mother. Betty, a retired pre-school teacher herself, understands that look all too well. And with a strange calmness and authority, she discreetly takes your hand and guides you down the hallway to Bob''s room.

Bob''s hot, drained face is visible upon arrival. A wail erupts from your gut. Betty keeps you tight and calms you.

"Shhhhhhh, shh, shh. It''s okay. It''s okay."

You take a deep breath, retreat yourself, and go to Bob.

"Hey Bob," you stutter between shivers of sadness, "I guess I''m too late."

A string of pink is erupting from your nose. You become more vulnerable than ever in front of anyone, even your wife.

"If you can hear me...up there...Um. I just want you to know that there is no need to apologize. If anything, I''m the sorry one. I shouldn''t have said any of that stupid crap."

A wave of anger is over. You start smacking your face because punishment feels like the only thing you deserve. Betty reminds you to breathe. You follow her instruction and focus on Bob. You place the star under his arm like a companion he will visit a new world.

"I got you this star, because you''ll always be a winner for me. And you''ll always be my best friend." "I love you, Bob! I love you!"

At the moment, you let go of years of worries, regrets, and pain. Your body falls on Bob, and tears trickle from your face onto his body as a pillow collecting sweat. Betty walks behind you and rubs your back as she''s done many times for a child who fell on the playground asphalt. You did your best, Joe.

If Mario Party had been fair, this might have been avoided.

No, because it is unlikely that a choice to deactivate bonus stars is sufficient. Even the option to have bonus stars should not be there! They have done no harm.

DO IT FOR JOE AND BOB, NINTENDO! DO IT FOR JOE AND BOB!!!