We are currently pitting the Umbrella Academy against the Sparrow Academy

We are currently pitting the Umbrella Academy against the Sparrow Academy ...

Season 3 of The Umbrella Academy begins with the meeting with a foe they never anticipated: themselves, sort of. Although the new Hargreeves they find in the house aren''t alternate versions of themselves, they are a funhouse mirror of what life might have been like if a number of variables were different. This is the Sparrow Academy, which runs like a well-oiled machine (at least from the outside).

The Umbrella and Sparrow academies take to wary each other. With a six-on-seven brawl, there are a lot of moving components. Who would win in a fight between individuals? I''m pretty sure you answered.

In the other house, we paired each academy member against their numeral counterpart. Because this is a one-on-one challenge, we''re also presumed to have a world in which Umbrella Ben is alive and well, just for numbers sake. Will having a full team roster make a difference for the Umbrella Academy? Lets look up.

Number Ones: Luther vs. Marcus

What are their powers? Both family leaders have a lot of strength, although Luther also has the body of an ape.

The showdown: I say this with utter respect for Luther, but Marcus is evidently better trained and a more coordinated fighter. Wouldn''t it be more evenly matched if Luther did not spend four years of his life crying on the moon? We simply cannot grasp.

Winner: Despite basically the same power set,Marcus is more of a Chad than Luther.

Number Twos: Diego vs. Sparrow Ben

What are their powers? Diego is able to alter the trajectory of anything he throws, as well as what he throws at him, including bullets. He, however, seems to forget he has this power all the frightening time. Ben can summon horrifying tentacles from his stomach.

The ending of Season 2 of Diegos Wanted-style knife-throwing has all of the makings of a powerful attack, but his abilities appear a little bleak. Considering Diego is actually a dummy and that Sparrow Ben is actually ruthless, this seems like another easy win for the better-organized red team.

Sparrow Bententacles beat knives as a result.

Number Threes: Allison vs. Fei

Allison is capable of compulsion anyone to do what she wants (and there are moments this season that suggest her true power might be even greater if she had to hone it a little more) Fei manifests deadly crows that, not only attack her enemies, but also serve as her eyes she may send them to spy on people and see attacks from different angles.

The spectacle:

Allison:...I think she does not lose in a fight-fight, but she only needs to receive four words in, basically, and it''s over.

Petrana: Yes, unless Fei slits her throat before. Yet, all Allison would need to win is to say that a rumor all your birds died.

Zosha: Whoa makes me smile. Would Fei even be able to make more? Whos to say, but I think that if Allison was just capable to talk at all and focused on her killer instinct was enough, it would be a difficult victory.

Allison is assuming she can improve her killer instinct in order to fight smart and not hard.

Number Fours: Klaus vs. Alphonso

What are their powers? When Klaus is not otherwise inebriated, he can commune with the dead as well as conjure their spirits. He is also able to return to life after dying (and possibly more, given that season 2 was the first time he really tested it). In short, if you punch him in the face, youll feel the face punch instead.

This one is particularly interesting because because Klaus cannot stay dead and Alphonso cannot be damaged by another person. So basically, they are destined to duel for all eternity or at least until some external event kills Alphonso, or Klaus gets bored and decides to just embrace the afterlife. However, considering Klaus''s short attention span and aggressive ways, this one is probably more likely to happen.

Draw this is a classic case of unstoppable force that corresponds to an unmovable object.

Number Fives: Five vs. Sloane

What are their powers? Five creates portals that allow him to teleport. He also has some (very limited) time travel capability. Sloane can manipulate the gravity of objects and people.

Yes, Sloane appears to be a superior superhero capable of controlling things with her mind. Five is disgusted as all hell, and, after a lifetime of serving with the Time Bureau, got a pretty powerful killer instinct of his own. His fighting style is deft, dynamically adapting to his surroundings and other people fighting styles. It''s only take is letting Sloane get in a single lick and he''ll likely adapt to popping around and punching her.

Five of his abilities are just improving on his formidable fighting abilities, and Sloanes isn''t even a dangerous fighter.

Number Sixes: Umbrella Ben vs. Jayme

What are their powers? Like the Sparrow version, Ben is able to summon tentacles with his body. Jayme spits venom that causes people to hallucinate.

The showdown: While Bens tentacles may theoretically apprehend Jayme, this version of Ben is a softie and Jayme is just because you looked at her wrong. In a fight, Jayme, who also benefits from the Sparrow training regimen, should be able to avoid Bens tentacles and get an opportunity to spit on him. While he is hallucinating, that gives her the perfect opportunity to flee the killing.

Winner: Jayme''s only need to do is dreeeaammm.

Number Sevens: Viktor vs. Christopher

What are their powers? Viktor, who successfully ended the world twice, is able to manipulate sound waves, which turn into energy projection, force-field generation, and even weather control. He may, however, be in contact with sound, but Christopher may be able to manipulate the temperature of a room, manipulate people (basically), and increase fear into the minds of individuals.

Viktor has almost ended the world twice, and that was without even really trying. Considering that those times had a lot to do with Viktor losing control of his emotions, Christophers really is able to make Viktor afraid just to worsen his situation.

Victor: Did we mention that he almost ended the world twice?