Recap: The Big Bane Theory for April 18th, 1983

Recap: The Big Bane Theory for April 18th, 1983 ...

Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special was unveiled on HBO Max this Thursday, in which the title character's quest to give her partner Poison Ivy the finest Valentine's Day (and, yes, orgasm) ever triggered all kinds of sexually overcharged calamity throughout Gotham City.

A similar issue arose about whether steel-and-concrete structures might give consent.

The 40some minutes spent in Gotham included romantic conversations with a montage of romantic moments with Riddler proposing to Clock King, Catwoman offering chocolates to an imprisoned Bruce Wayne... And, as part of the series, there were interviews with "super" couples such as Superman and Lois, Aquaman and Mera, and Darkseid and Queen Hyppolyta Don Jr's wife, Kimberly Guilfoyle.

Harley sounded on board. Rather, she had orchestrated a night with meatballs to die for at Mama Macaroni, followed by fireworks and a bit of theater that resulted in the death of an unidentified oil executive.

Harley couldn't help but pick up Wonder Woman's Lasso of Truth to confirm her suspicion -— that Ivy had experienced better! - and wow, it did. Ivy's scream of pheromones bathed the city in an aphrodisiac, orgy-spawning cloud.

Clayface, who had just been cleaved in half and fell madly in love with his... butt, was among the ones affected. His talking, equally smitten butt, was also impacted by his ability to not touch/”get inside” the other.

Bane was then invited to join Betty in torturing a client. However, he left feeling... inadequate, particularly when he was invited to hook up with his new lady friend. And as a result, all of Bane climbed up to the height of a medium-sized, horny af building.

Harley and Ivy were attempting to figure out a way to pin down and "turn off" Bane before he had any significant inappropriate interactions with Wayne Enterprises' fourth floor or caught up with visiting TV star Brett Goldstein, and... well, we're not quite sure how that would have worked.

#Harlivy planned to have a reconstituted Clayface in the shape of a gigantic, hairy-chested Brett Goldstein and then un-arouse Bane by reciting many of his dating issues. But Clayface-as-Brett's wacky misuse of the terms "Anyways" and "begs the question" effectively neutered Big Bane's noodle — after which, Betty showed up and led the oversized goon away for.... yeah

Ivy explained that while one Dr. Harley Quinzel visited her in jail with some chocolate milk, it was probably her finest, most-unbeatable Valentine's Day ever (and a complete recap of Shrek 3).

What were your thoughts on the HQ V-Day Special?